A 2-MINUTE PRAYER, FROM tHE METHODIST BOOK OF WORSHIP, TOOK 45-MINUTES DUE TO NEW GENDER-INCLUSIVE STANDARDS.

Congregants at St. James United Methodist Church in Tampa Bay, Florida found an unexpected surprise, when the closing prayer turned out to be 45 minutes long.

"The prayer usually takes 2-minutes, but now that we have to ensure we include all the inclusive versions of 'amen', it really starts to add up", said Pastor Rick Kelley. "I usually pray with my eyes closed, but because I didn't want to offend anyone by accidently excluding their preferred pronouns, I was forced to read them from a page. As I made it further and further down the list, I could literally see people falling asleep, slumping in their chairs, and looking at their watches. It was awkward, but we'll get used to it and do our part to adjust other parts of our worship service to make sure we don't run long."

"I was getting worried", said Ben Johnson, a member of the congregation. "I go to the early service to make sure I don't miss the football game but the prayer just kept going on and on and on. I barely made it to my house in time for kickoff. And Lord knows how angry I get when I miss seeing my Bucs play; especially this year with Tom Brady."

Traditions aren't easy to break and it's still not clear how people are going to react to the gender-inclusive versions of amen. Of course, it is important to note that the actual word amen translates to 'let it be so', which has nothing to do with gender or biology. However, like many other words (including the word a word I just used) there is a connotation that ties it to masculinity, so wo-many people feel these new changes are long overdue.

However, that doesn't mean everyone is on board. "I hated it", said Shirley Robertson. "It's stupid. It's silly and it doesn't even make sense. I've been going to this church for 67 years and not once have I ever been offended by the word amen. What's next? Do we have to start calling them hymns and hers, what about ministry? Is that sexist? Do we need to have ministry and womenistry now? Making up words to appease people who have their minds set on being offended about everything just doesn't seem like the right thing to do. Of course Jesus wants us to extend love to our neighbors, but that doesn't mean we let go of all common sense and make a mockery out of the things which have been held as sacred for thousands of years."

Like all changes, this one may take some time. However, as future generations grow up using gender-inclusive pronouns it's only a matter of time before the church embraces the inevitable.

"History shows us one thing. People don't like change. Churches have split over the silliest things, like incorporating piano or drums or a guitar into the worship service. This isn't the first time the church has been forced to adjust to the culture and it won't be the last", said Pastor Kelley. "We'll grow from this and no matter what portions of our tradition or religion or even scripture we have to modify in order to make people feel welcome, we're willing to do it. Why? Because we love people and we want people to find Jesus; or at least a version of Jesus they are willing to embrace. If that means our prayers need to include amen, a woman, a trans, and a gender non-conforming or anything else, isn't that a small price to pay?"