Silicon Valley, C.A. — In an unexpected break from their policies, social media giants Facebook and Twitter, both made the decision to allow posts with leaked audio of Senator Ben Sasse, in an effort to push back against the claims, from critics, of bias and partiality.

"In the wake of the recent decisions to suppress or remove the New York Post story, which exposed detrimental and possibly criminal behavior by Hunter Biden and his father, we wanted to ensure users of our platforms that we do not have a political bias", said a representative we spoke to from Facebook. "What better way do to this other than allowing Senator Sasse's comments to be hosted on our platform."

When pressed about how allowing this content will help serve their efforts to show they are not partial in how they choose to suppress information, the Facebook representative we spoke with said, "Well, what we did was allow this specific content through. Yes, in this case it was information that could potentially negatively impact President Trump's reelection bid. However, if you're willing to look at this from a different perspective here...we are showing our users a willingness on our part to listen to them and allow certain content—which would normally be considered a violation of our policies—to remain on our platforms. We did this in order for the American public to be informed and aware of content they might find helpful in deciding who to vote for." 

We asked how Facebook plans to deal with calls from Congress and the American public to investigate social media platforms and policies that seem to have a certain political bent. 

"Look, policies don't care about politics and algorithms are agnostic to civics. Our decisions are made with the best interest of all Americans in mind. We do our best to ensure we are fair and faithful to people of all walks in life. Our user base is very diverse and we are in a very lucrative business. We wouldn't be serving our stockholders well, if we made decisions that could impact our bottom line. Do our organizations lean a bit more progressive? Sure. But we know many of our users are passionate people from the political right. We will continue to do our part to stay out of the way, and allow our policies and algorithms to do the work they've been programmed to do; namely, to help shift public opinion, to leverage people's anger and fear for monetary gain, and to ensure that what we saw in the 2016 election will never happen again." 

Cupertino, CA — After centuries of deliberation and debate, many scholars now agree that the treasure Jesus spoke of, in his parable found in the gospel of Matthew, is likely to be the iPhone 12 Pro Max.

The parable, which is found in Matthew 13:44, states, "The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field. When a man found it, he hid it again, and then in his joy went and sold all he had and bought that field."

"This passage has stumped theologians for centuries. Not becasue we couldn't understand the concept of finding something of so much value that a man would willingly and joyfully sell everything he owned to obtain it, but rather because we were unable to determine something of such significant value", said Hans Gombrich, Professor at Mount Royal University. "That is, until we saw concepts of the iPhone 12 which is due to hit the market later this year."

And much can be said about the newest and most highly anticipated edition of the world's most coveted cell phone produced by Apple, which is due to hit the market on October 23rd, 2020. The iPhone 12 Pro Max, anticipated to cost around $1,200, is expected to be the best mobile device ever produced in the history of the world. According to leaks, the new Apple mobile device will feature a 6.7-inch Super Retina XDR OLED (Samsung) display, an A14 Bionic Processor, 6GB of RAM, up to 512GB of Storage, triple rear cameras + LiDAR, Sub-6GHz, mmWave 5G connectivity, and a 3,687mAh Battery all encased in a stainless steel body. Simply put, this phone will a treasure.

Apple has consistently built around this product while keeping many of the specifics locked down until the phones are officially available and ready for market. This has driven both the hype and anticipation, which historically has motivated consumers to either pre-order these devices and/or wait in long lines for the newest version of the product. However, this time anticipation is moving beyond consumerism into excitement of biblical proportions. 

"It's not every day or even every century that the Bible literally comes to life", said Gombrich. "What were talking about here is life-altering. Think of it...the actual words of Christ are now playing out before our very eyes. It's truly amazing. The treasure Jesus spoke of in this parable is no longer merely symbolic or imaginary. It has moved into the literal and physical world and we have something tangible to help understand the comparison Jesus made to the value of the kingdom of heaven."

We reached out to Apple to find out if this new discovery would change any of their efforts to market and promote the newest iPhone. "While we appreciate the hard work and excitement our product has generated in religious and theological circles, this really falls outside of our realm of expertise and concern", said a representative from Apple. "If this new revelation helps consumers see the value of our product, it certainly is a win-win for everyone. Apple certainly knows the value of the products we bring to market, so it isn't surprising to us that a phone of this caliber would be considered a treasure, but we simply don't plan to make a big deal out of this and wouldn't want anything to distract customers from our product or marketing efforts."

For now, it's wait and see on the quality and radiance of the iPhone 12, but for religious scholars this is certainly a big deal. Many of them seem to be very excited to get their hands on a treasure of this significance. Only time will tell which treasure consumes humanity more. Will it be the mobile device itself or the way it was likely intended to be used as a pointer to the the kingdom of heaven. 

Facebook is floundering to find answers after it was discovered that a recent conversation occurred, on its platform, without ending in a war of words.

"I simply don't understand! Our algorithms are flawless and are specifically designed to prevent this from happening," said Youssef Benaissi, one of Facebook's chief engineers. "We intentionally match people up with content that is guaranteed to be perceived as offensive. Never in the history of our platforms have we seen such a cordial engagement between multiple users. It's just...it's flabbergasting."

Now, Facebook's Public Relations department is scrambling to reassure investors and clients, who market their products on the social-media giant's platform.

"We understand that our clients rely on the fear and controversy they have come to expect from Facebook interactions," said Angela Doerr, a spokesperson for the company. "We want to restore confidence and give our clients full assurance that we will work day and night until we find answers and close the gap that allowed this charitable conversation to go on, unchecked, without a feud or fracas. And we will not rest until we do."

We reached out to Mark Zuckerberg, during his unplanned visits to China and Russia, after this controversy sparked skepticism from two of the company's most loyal advertisers. He was not available for comment, but one of his representatives did reiterate that Facebook will work tirelessly to regain any confidence that may have been lost. "We understand that many of our advertisers thrive on controversy and chaos. We don't see these things as mishaps, but rather, opportunities for us to learn and adapt and grow. We will come out of this stronger, wealthier, and more rigorous than we have ever been." 
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