Concerned That Dead Voters Won't Guarantee a Win, Democrats Use Unconventional Method to Increase Their Odds.

St. Petersburg, FL — With recent polls moving Florida from "leaning democrat" a to toss-up state, democrats are scrambling to figure out how they will ensure a victory in Florida. With its massive 29 electoral votes, many view Florida as a must-win for Donald Trump's reelection campaign. In fact, the last Republican to win the White House without winning Florida was Calvin Coolidge in 1924. The trouble is, Florida is no longer a sure win for Democrats and that has many of them searching for new angles to ensure they win the state.

"We were very confident that with all deceased voters choosing Biden, we'd be able to focus our money and effort on other swing states", said Greg Schultz, Biden's campaign manager. "But things have taken an unexpected turn, here in Florida, and we are now facing a bit of uncertainty."

Uncertainty might be an understatement. In a recent boat parade, in Lee County, the unofficial number of boats participating was as many as 11,000; which might be an actual world record. This show of support, for President Trump, deflated any confidence the Democrats had that they would be able to walk away with a Florida victory on November 3rd.

"This is when we came back to the drawing board", said Schultz. "We weren't going to keep all our eggs in one basket. We remember what happened, in 2016, and we are determined to ensure that Trump and his Russian counterparts are not able to steal another election with their shady and dubious activities."

That's when the Biden campaign made the decision to reach out the Mike Bloomberg, who committed to spending some of his own money to ensure a Trump defeat. "Mr. Bloomberg is a team player. He wants what we all want", said Schultz. "Of course he was humiliated in his own run for the White House, but his main effort all along has been to ensure that Donald Trump is not reelected."

With the Biden campaign's wit and Mike Bloomberg's resources, they quickly came up with the plan to ensure more democrat votes. It wasn't going to be easy, since most voters in Florida have been around long enough to recognize that Joe Biden is a fraud and a charlatan, but then a fresh idea came to them. What about all the felons?

"It really just hit us as we were brainstorming about all possibilities", said another representative of the Biden campaign. "We told everyone in the room to throw out anything and that no ideas were to be considered too silly or too illegal."

That's when one member raised the idea of paying the fees for felons to be able to vote again. Much like the efforts by democrats to pay the bail for the criminals who were arrested around the nation during the BLM protests, this was another way of using philanthropy to exploit people. Many of the people with felonies are unable to pay the fee to ensure their suffrage. But with a little help from the kindhearted Mr. Bloomberg, the one thing keeping them from casting their votes in November was no longer an obstacle.

"This was really a clever move", said Bloomberg. "I only wish I would have thought of it myself during the democratic primaries. Then maybe I'd be having this conversation as the future next President of the United States. But I digress. In all sincerity, the only thing I really care about is making sure our current fake President is not reelected."

When asked how he can feel confident that this new segment of voters will choose Biden over Trump, Bloomberg said, "We don't really see that as an issue. One thing we aim to do, as part of our selection process, is to vet these felons for their political leanings. If they indicate they are undecided or planning to vote for Trump, then we'll simply move on. We have a pretty foolproof plan to ensure we aren't accidentally liberating possible Trump voters."