Failing to Make Ends Meet as an Assassin, Local Man Goes to Med School to Become a Hired Hitman.

Philadelphia, PA — Life is full of ups and downs, but for one Pennsylvania man the journey to live out his boyhood dream came to an abrupt end during the biggest health and economical crises in modern day American history.

"I worked my whole life for one thing, and it was very difficult to swallow the reality of my dream no longer being a possibility.", said Mitch Cruise. "I wanted to make a real difference in people's lives. I wanted to be seen as a guardian of autonomy, freedom, and happiness for those who feel trapped and paralyzed by their circumstances and are left completely hopeless because of it. My heart broke when I realized I could no longer be that source of hope and freedom for people anymore."

However, after talking with his family and friends about his difficult decision, Mitch found a glimmer of light in the darkness. "I told him his dream doesn't have to end", said his good friend Stan. "When one door closes, another door opens. You just have to recognize it for what it is and be willing to walk through it. Then you'll find a whole new world of opportunities you never even knew existed before."

That's when the idea of going to med school, to become an abortion doctor, came up. "If you think about it, there really are a lot of similarities between the hitman business and the abortion business", said Cruise. "You still get to offer help to people who find themselves in desperate situations—most frequently caused by their own actions—and are looking for a way to escape the natural consequences of their choices. These people are willing to do whatever it takes to get their lives back, regardless what other lives that choice may effect. I really see this as more of a lateral transfer than I do a demotion or loss of a dream. The only real difference between being a hitman and performing abortions is that one is illegal and can land you in prison and the other is celebrated and can award you quite a nice life. So, really it's a win-win."

Mitch told us that there are other hidden benefits in making the shift from being forced to meet people on the dark web via clandestine meetings, and being able to freely talk about his profession around the dinner table.

"The funny thing is, whenever my grandma used to ask me what I did for a living, I would always tell her I was in sales", said Cruise. "She used to give me such a hard time, because she thinks sales is a less-than-honorable profession full of immoral people who prey on the most vulnerable. Now when my grandmother asks me what I do, I tell her the truth. As a longtime feminist, she is very proud of me."

Mitch Cruise is in his first year of med school, at Drexel University College of Medicine, and he hopes to graduate early so he can get back to what he loves doing, namely, killing people. When asked if he ever sees himself going back into the illicit business of assassinations, he wasn't willing to close the door entirely. "That's a great question", said Cruise. "Yes, there are days where I miss the thrill and challenge of killing someone who actually has the ability of fighting back. However, it sure is nice not to constantly be looking over your shoulder or left wondering if the person on the other end of the phone or email is really who they say they are or some federal agent looking for sufficient evidence to make your arrest. At the end of the day, the only real difference between my old profession and the one I'm pursuing now is semantics, and yet the freedom I'll have to proudly be my truest self is hard to put into words. I'd be lying if I told you I wasn't looking forward to finally being rewarded, celebrated, and recognized for the difficult work I do instead of being shamed, shunned, or repudiated."

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