HUNDREDS OF WORLD LEADERS INJURED, AS THEY PAID PENANCE FOR THEIR CLIMATE FAILURES.

Milan, Italy (Wokeville Gazette) — Hundreds of world leaders were rushed to local hospitals, after sustaining  serious injuries while paying penance for their own failures, during the Youth4Climate conference in Milan.

Client zealot and activist, Greta Thunberg, mocked and ridiculed the world's leaders in her speech at the conference.

"There is no planet B. There is no planet blah", thundered Thunberg. "Blah, blah, blah".

The crowd gathered roared with applause as they took in the amazing, captivating, and slightly nonsensical, speech of the world's favorite environmental extremist.

"What a beautiful speech", said Boris Johnson (Prime Minister or England). "Greta has such a graceful way of speaking truth to power. She hit us right where it counts, by calling us out for being the charlatans we are when it comes to climate change. She showed us that though profitable and helpful for total world domination, snake oil sales are not the answer for saving the planet".

Thunberg went on to mock the empty words of several of the world's most dominate super powers, including President Biden of the United States.

"This is not about some expensive politically correct green ads with bunny hugging or blah blah blah. Build back better blah blah blah. Green economy blah blah blah. Net-zero by 2050 blah blah blah," Thunberg said.

"This is all we hear from our so-called leaders. Words. Words that sound great but so far has led to no action. Our hopes and dreams drown in their empty words and promises. Of course, we need constructive dialogue, but they've now had 30 years of blah blah blah and where has that led us?"

The speech, which proves no amount of money raised and spent or global climate initiatives and organizations created will ever be able to appease the mass hysteria of climate alarmists.

"The only thing we can do to pacify these radicals is to continue with a posture of remorse, shame, and guilt as we attempt to buy ourselves a little more time", said Johnson. "This is exactly why we fly Greta to every one of these global conferences—regardless of the carbon footprint left in their wake—and award her the opportunity to dress us down publicly and mock us for our inaction".

And that's exactly what happened in Milan. Global leaders were mocked, dressed down, and chastised by the 4'11" teenager, who watched as the world leaders tripped over themselves to try and absolve themselves of guilt, through self-flagellation.   

It was reported that shortly after Greta finished her speech, hundreds or world leaders were rushed to local hospitals, having intentionally injured themselves in hopes of appeasing the anger of the climate gods.

"Come si pazzi", said one Italian we spoke with. "It was the craziest thing I ever seen in my whole life. Like something straight out of the Bible. Grown men and women crying aloud and cutting themselves with swords and lances, until the blood gushed out upon them. All in vein efforts to satisfy the wrath of Greta Thunberg".

Though it is still unclear how this act of remorse and groveling will land on climate zealots, what is clear is that the world leaders once again have seemed to buy themselves a little more time.