In the Wake of His Recent Blunder, the Biden Campaign Releases its First Official Policy Initiative.9/22/2020 
On Monday, during a campaign speech, Joe Biden attempted to quote the Pledge of Allegiance but instead delivered a jumbled version of it, saying, "I pledge allegiance to the United States of America, one nation, indivisible, under God, for real."
This mistake quickly hit Twitter and many right-leaning news outlets and there wasn't much the Biden campaign could do besides damage control. And that's when the idea hit them to take a more bold step by moving this into a policy issue. The hope is that it would be an appeal to many fast-paced Americans who are interested in immediate gratification, saving time, and making things more efficient and trendy.
"We could either treat this as a blunder or a well-thought out and intentional move", said one spokesperson for the Biden campaign. "We're growing weary of backpedaling and playing defense, so we decided to take a more proactive positive approach to this one." That's exactly what the Biden campaign is doing. They are now using the botched pledge, as well as an earlier botched quote of the Declaration of Independence, as a campaign pledge to modify and modernize both of these tired and rusty American gems. "What we've seen, from Americans, over the past several years is that people don't care that much about American history", said Greg Schultz, Biden's campaign manager. "The things our grandparents viewed as sacred and patriotic elements of our national history are now viewed as feudal and old-fashioned. What we aim to do is use Joe Biden's nonsense to our advantage as we try to reach a new generation of Americans who seem far more interested in changing history then they are celebrating or preserving it." A couple hours after Biden's mistake on Monday, the Official Biden website released a new policy initiative to modernize some of the most sacred and well-known historical documents and patriotic expressions and sayings. This bold move offers Biden the ability to continue to misquote any of these items, without fear of ridicule or lampoon. "What we aim to do is simply remove the ability for anyone to use this mishaps against us and rather indicate that Biden was simply offering variations of what could eventually become the updated versions of anything he misquotes in the future", said Schultz. "It's really a clever way for us to handle what has become expected blunders whenever Mr. Biden opens his mouth." Conceding the fact that they can't keep Joe Biden in the basement and out of the public eye forever, it does seem that this move by his campaign will quell, at least some, of the most frequent attacks about Biden's cognitive abilities and aptitude. |
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