LEARNING FROM THE PAST, FREE PRESS PROMISES TO ONLY ASK PRESIDENT BIDEN QUESTIONS ABOUT ICE CREAM.

Washington, D.C. (Wokeville Gazette) — This past week brought both confusion and criticism, as-well-as some embarrassment, when President Biden—who was asked a question by a reporter about Afghanistan—made it clear that he only wanted to talk about 'happy things, man'.

The President's response came at a press conference, which was explicitly setup to celebrate and discuss Friday's positive monthly jobs report. The U.S. economy added 850,000 jobs in June, a significant improvement over May’s 583,000 job gain and beat Wall Street expectations of about 700,000.

"We did our best to let the free press know exactly what we expected from them", said one Biden spokesperson we spoke with. "Although we didn't explicitly say which questions would be allowed, we certainly tried to make it obvious that this was a press conference about the happy news of the jobs report in America. We certainly didn't expect to entertain questions about Afghanistan, and the presidents ability to think quickly, likely averted a catastrophe".

At one point President Biden said he’d answer journalists’ "negative questions" at a later point, before quickly catching himself and amending his characterization to "your legitimate questions."

After the awkward and embarrassing interaction on Friday, where the President quickly averted the question altogether, journalists from America's free press, decided to learn from their mistakes rather than repeat them. 

"A Free Press may have been born during the day, but it wasn't yesterday", said one of the yellow journalists we spoke with. "We are dense and doltish at times, but we can take a hint when it lands on us like a ton of bricks. The President made it abundantly clear that he does not appreciate difficult questions that demand answers. Therefore, as a group, we have collectively decided to learn from our mistakes and only ask the President the questions that he wants to be asked; namely, about ice cream".

Knowing that rejection and reticule will likely make the Fake News organizations look even more foolish than they already do, it is certainly in their best interest to have positive interactions with President Biden. Therefore, their decision to learn from the past and adjust is likely going to save face with the White House.

So, from now on, Americans should expect fewer questions with substance and more questions about the type of ice cream the President is eating these days, how he's feeling about the $0.16 he personally saved Americans on their holiday BBQ's, and what he expects from New York's District Attorney, when it comes to their prosecution of the Trump Organization.