LOCAL SINGLE IS DISAPPOINTED HIS DECISION TO VACCINATE HASN'T RAISED HIS STOCK WITH THE LADIES.

Minneapolis, MN (Wokeville Gazette) — A local single man has been unpleasantly surprised to discover that his decision to vaccinate hasn't raised his stock in the online dating market.

 "I don't understand", said Marv Fuller. "I really had high hopes that my luck was finally going to change."

This confusion is understandable, because Mr. Fuller made the calculated and coerced decision to get vaccinated.

"My understanding was that if I received the vaccination, it would help my efforts", said Fuller. "I posted a picture, with my vaccination card, after both of my shots. I updated my dating profiles to include the fact that I was proudly vaccinated. Even though I already had a 99.8% chance of recovering from COVID-19 without a vaccine, I wanted to be seen as brave, and compliant, and politically-attractive. The vaccine was the quickest way to achieve that kind of social credit and status, yet it seems it was all a waste."

We reached out to several dating websites for comment. Tender immediately responded to our request.

"Look, 10% of the time, the vaccinations work every time", said a representative from Tender. "We understanding that results may vary, but we really don't know why Mr. Fuller didn't see an immediate up-tick in the volume of those who swiped right on his profile. Even though Mr. Fuller followed the science, chemistry—in this sense—really isn't all that scientific."

When asked what he was planning to do, now that the vaccinations didn't increase his attractability, Mr. Fuller had another idea.

"Plan-B was always an option", said Mr. Fuller. "I'm going to continue to get every available COVID-19 vaccine until I find true love. There really isn't any other option."