Like a Lifelong Progressive, Set Free of Liberal Ideologies, the Ever Given is Finally Free.

In an amazing display of hard work, determination, and unrelenting perseverance the ship--which has been stuck in the Suez Canal--has finally been set free.

"This is truly amazing", said Jonathan Andrews a recent convert to conservatism. "It's kind of like a rebirth for this ship. Many liberals said the only way to solve the situation was to give up on the current canal and build a new one. That seems to be the answer for so many progressives. Don't worry about working hard; just throw some money at the problem and it will go away."

Jonathan's perspective isn't unique. We spoke to many other conservatives who viewed the freeing of the Ever Given, a ship owned by Evergreen Shipping Company, as metaphoric of those who are finally waking up to the destruction and ridiculousness of progressivism. 

"If history has proven anything, it's that with enough will power and determination, there isn't anything we can't do", said Tyler Gilbertson another recent convert to conservatism. "I spent my entire life being frustrated that things weren't handed to me like I thought they were for everyone else. I was resentful of those who were successful and thought it was unfair. All of that changed when I was set free from the bondage of liberal group think. Then I realized if I wanted something bad enough, the only person that could prevent me from achieving it was myself." 

And like a lot of liberal policies, the ship obstructing the canal and preventing any kind of progress, was there because of a bad stroke of luck. One unexpected gust of wind and the ship was stuck. Some people said it wasn't the ship's fault and instead of getting it unstuck they wanted to keep the ship stuck while providing for any of its future needs.

"That's just like liberal thinking", said Gilbertson. "Whether it's the circumstances you were born into or the cards you were dealt later life, the ideological mindset of many liberals is that it's not your fault. Instead looking at how you can learn and grow from these predicaments, progressives desire to keep you stuck in them and then they convince you that your only means of help is to rely on their benevolence for the rest of your life. They convince you to keep them in power, by convincing you to stay stuck and stay dependent on their perverted version of freedom and kindness."

Needless to say, watching the ship break free from the banks it had been stuck in for several days, was like a spiritual awakening for many former progressives.

"We watched that ship break free. We watched as hardworking men labored tirelessly, for 5 straight days and nights, in order to offer true help. The ship was rescued and was then set it free again. It wasn't about keeping the ship stuck, in order to exploit it's predicament, but rather to offer help and then set it free to continue to serve its purpose without chains, tugboats, or anchors. That's what we call conservativism. That's what the American Dream is all about. Freedom!"