SLOTH INITIALLY PETITIONED TO BE RECOGNIZED IN JUNE, BUT WAS TOO LAZY TO FOLLOW THROUGH.

Norman, OK (Wokeville Gazette) — If sloth had it's way, June would have been a month to recognize laziness instead of pride.

News broke earlier this week that sloth had originally petitioned to be the sin celebrated in June, but it was too lazy to follow through. This gave an opening to pride to complete the needed paperwork and be officially recognized during the month of June.

"Not to brag or anything, but we're very happy things turned out the way it did", said a representative of PRIDE. "Hell, who are we fooling. We are bragging. That's what we do! Sloth was way too lazy and we used that to our advantage to get what we wanted. What can I say, as far as the seven deadly sins go, we're the best there is".

We verified with the world's calendar and it's true. Records show that it was indeed sloth who originally petitioned to be recognized during June, but because of a statute of limitations, there was a deadline by which the petition would need to be completed or it would expire. It turns out that sloth was simply too indolent to complete the paperwork in the required time; thus opening the door for pride to come in and steal the month away.

"Can you imagine a sloth month", said a representative of PRIDE International. "What would we do? What would that look like? Would there be a parade? Would there be any marketing at all? I mean the problem with sloth is that by its very definition it is lazy. Nothing would get done and it would be a total waste of a month. Pride is the best possible sin to glamorize, because it never plays second fiddle. We know that pride is the best at what it does and when we set our mind to something, there isn't anything we can't accomplish. Plus, we love to flaunt our sin, which all but  guarantees an enormous celebration. Give pride a platform to expose itself and you won't be disappointed in what you get in return".

We reached out to sloth for comment, but it appears they were too lazy to return our calls. So, for now we can just be thankful that it was pride and not sloth who eventually won the month of June. And, with the success that PRIDE has achieved, it's likely only a matter of time before lust, gluttony, greed, wrath, or envy decide they want their own month as well. However, based on history, we don't count on seeing the month of sloth anytime soon.