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​The WOKEVILLE GAZETTE

Discernment Dies in Hysteria

Triggered by the Color Orange, Many Cities are Following the CDC's Recommendation to Cancel Halloween.

9/28/2020

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Last week, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention announced it advices against traditional trick-or-treating this year. While many people assumed this decision was related to the novel coronavirus pandemic which has plagued the world, we chased further clarity on this decision and were very surprised by what we found.

While it is true that "many traditional Halloween activities can be high-risk for spreading viruses," as the CDC's holiday recommendations page says, this is not what led to the CDC's decision to recommend Halloween be canceled in 2020. It was another, less discussed illness, which led experts to make the decision to forgo All Hallows' Eve in 2020.

"Quite honestly, we've spent the better part of the past four years hearing, 'Orange Man Bad', and now as the nation braces for the possibility of four more years of Donald Trump, it's really starting to impact people's psyches", said one expert from the CDC.

Trump Derangement Syndrome, or TDS as it has become known, is real and its impacts are far reaching. The CDC expert we spoke to said, "What our team of experts have recently discovered is the color orange is a huge trigger for many people. It causes unstable, unpredictable, and erratic behavior."

​Just last week, a woman captured on camera screaming and extending her middle fingers at Trump supporters. She was so triggered in that moment that she forgot where she was and ended up crashing into another vehicle. 

How embarrassing. The driver starts screaming at Trump supporters and then crashes into the car in front of her.

Police then approach the vehicle. Lmao.

pic.twitter.com/2VHB9rEPm5

— Henry Rodgers (@henryrodgersdc) September 22, 2020

What couldn't be seen as clearly, in the video, is these Trump supporters were mostly children, who were simply carving pumpkins in their front yard. Investigators later discovered that the trigger was not a yard sign or even a MAGA hat, but was simply the orange pumpkins the children were carving.

"Donald Trump has created so much chaos and hate, that people are honestly losing it", said Dr. Kaelin, a phycologist. "The type of mental abuse people have suffered, on a large scale, over the past four years is really unprecedented. We're going to be stuck with the wounds for a very long time and it is going to take some serious healing. I look forward to a day when Americans can once again be proud of the man or woman who lives in the White House."

According to the CDC, even though the decision was a tough one to make, they feel very confident in their recommendation to cancel Halloween. "2020 has been a very tough year, full of many disappointments. However, hope is on the horizon. We don't want people to focus their energies on the irritation of October 31st or even on the color orange and all it has come to represent. Instead, we want them to use that negative energy, on November 3rd, to lead our nation toward the kind of change that will one day make Halloween great again."
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