TWITTER SIMPLIFIES THEIR RULES TO MAKE THEM EASIER FOR IGNORANT CONSERVATIVES TO UNDERSTAND.

Due to a recent uptick in account suspensions for conservatives on Twitter, the platform decided to update their rules in order to make them easier for ignorant, redneck, gun-toting, and uneducated conservatives to understand.

"As we have always said, our rules are in place to ensure all people can participate in the public conversation freely and safely", said Leslie Berland, Twitter's People and Marketing Lead. "We absolutely value the revenue we get from every user on our platform. However, what we don't value is conservative points of view. Therefore, we need all non-progressives to be aware of our rules of engagement—and to commit to following them in the ways that we deem appropriate—in order to best serve the public and progressive conversation."

Due to the recent political unrest, Twitter has taken steps to deplatform many conservative voices.

​"The reality that 74M+ Americans continued to support Donald Trump, even after our very intentional four year campaign to undermine his presidency and paint him in the worst possible light, really caused us to question if our strategy—to allow MAGA-morons and Trumptards to continue perpetuating their ignorance on our platform—was working", said Leslie Berland. "We believe in freedom of speech, but not freedom of reach and Twitter is not obligated to give a voice to people who continue to use them to further the political causes and agendas that are in direct opposition to the values we hold as sacred. Therefore, we have now simplified our rules to make them crystal clear for all our users, including those with a different worldviews than what we deem appropriate and acceptable."

Here are Twitter's 10 Commandments:

1. You shall have no other opinions or political positions other than progressive ideologies.
2. You shall not make for yourself any heroes or champions that are not progressive, nor should you retweet them or share their convictions or posts.
3. You shall not misuse the name of President Joe Biden or defame him, condemn him, or criticize him in any way.
4. You shall honor all progressives by retweeting their posts with reverence and care.
5. Respect your father and mother, by referring to all people by their preferred pronouns.
6. You must not post any violent content, unless you are in a protected class of people or promoting the causes of progressivism.
7. You must not commit platform-adultery, by misusing your Twitter account to promote a conservative worldview.
8. You must not use your Twitter account to steal an election unless your efforts are to a) undermine a conservative candidate or b) promote a progressive candidate.
9. You must not slander your neighbor, unless they support the GOP, MAGA, or any other causes which would undermine progressivism or further the cause of conservatism.
10. You must not be envious of your neighbor's goods, unless your neighbor is white, male, conservative, or a supporter of MAGA or any other causes which would undermine progressivism. If they are, you must not remain silent. You must fight and protest and riot in order to ensure equity and equality for all oppressed classes or peoples. Your silence will be interpreted as violence and you will be removed from our platform.