TWO SAN ANTONIANS ARRESTED, FOR FLIRTING—IN PUBLIC—WITH THEIR EYES.

San Antonio, TX (Wokeville Gazette) — A man and woman were arrested, on Wednesday afternoon, for breaking a law against "flirting with eyes or hands".

"I could see, based on how they were looking at each other, that they were directly violating the law with no regard for how their choices were impacting anyone around them", said Tom Jackson the arresting officer.  "This kind of blatant criminal activity will not be tolerated on the streets of San Antonio. This is a town of law and order and we will not allow degeneracy to go unpunished".

The offenders will now be charged, with misdemeanors, for violating a law that many residents of San Antonio didn't even know existed.

"I was shocked when I read about that in the San Antonio Express-News (a local newspaper)", said Roy Nelson. "I mean not to divulge too much information here, or incriminate myself, but I've been known to flirt with young ladies in this town from time to time. I guess I really need to be careful what I do and don't do moving forward".

Roy certainly isn't the only citizen who was shocked to discover the law. However, another person we talked with was actually pleased to see her town take such a hardline approach.

"You're dang right I'm happy about it", said Shirly Temple. "I'm sick and tired of these hoodlums walking the streets and visually accosting young women who are simply trying to mind their own business and go about their own lives. I was pleased to see our local law enforcement take a proactive approach and make an example out of the two roughnecks who were flagrantly violating the moral code of this good and respectable town". 

We reached out to Jill Anderson, one of the violators of the flirtation law, and received the following statement from her lawyer.

"Ms. Anderson is committed to fight this frivolous lawsuit until she is exonerated", said Jake McHugh. "Not only is my client innocent, but she will not be used as a patsy. She was well within her rights—protected and secured by the Constitution—and any assertions that she was violating some outdated moral code of conduct are not only mendacious but are also defamatory and are being used to paint my client as a  reprobate; which couldn't be further from the truth".

We asked another local lawyer, from Screwem, Goode, and Hart whether this law or lawsuit has any merit or standing in court.

"Though there seems to be some legal precedence for this lawsuit", said Barry C. Dumas. "I think it is fair for the accused to lean heavily on the cultural shift which has clearly taken place in, San Antonio, since this law was written. We no longer live in a society or culture that considers flirtation (in any of its forms) to be a violation of the law; whether it's moral law or civil law.  What we have here, is a case of a law which has outlived its necessity and usefulness. There may have been a time when this law provided a benefit to the citizens of San Antonio. However, based on where we are at culturally, it is my firm belief that this lawsuit doesn't have any genuine merit and will likely be dismissed by any judge who is forced to take this case".