WHITE, STRAIGHT MAN—WHO WON A GOLD METAL AT THE OLYMPICS WILL NOT BE CELEBRATED BY AMERICANS.7/29/2021 Tokyo, Japan (Wokeville Gazette) — Vincent Hancock, who made history in Tokyo by becoming the first skeet shooter to win three golds, will not be celebrated back home in America.
"I'm not afraid to say it, and I won't apologize for it either", said one proudly woke American on Twitter. "We've moved beyond our need to disingenuously celebrate white men for their obvious privilege". The sentiment seemed to be the same across America. I walked the streets of Nashville, wearing a mask (of course) because of the dangerous and terrifying DELTA strain that is spreading across the world, and asked normal Americans if they had any clue who Vincent Hancock is. "Isn't he a famous piano player", said one Roxanne Anderson-Sprecher, who goes by the preferred pronouns of they/them. "No, wait...that's Herbie Hancock, and he's black. No. I have no idea who that guy is". We even tried to give people subtle hints about who he might be, by showing them a picture of Vincent at the Olympics, holding up his gold metal and smiling with an American Flag draped around his neck. "Um, is he one of them Trump insurrectionists at the Capital we've been hearing about over the past several days", asked Tim Johnson as he enjoyed his daily $12 coffee from Starbucks. "Yeah, I think I saw him on CNN. He's one of those mercenaries that Trump hired to try and rape and kill AOC, because he was mad that he didn't win the election." We then showed the same people a picture of Simone Biles to see if they would recognize her. "Oh, yeah. That's Simone Biles", said Roxanne. "She's a true American hero. She had the courage to value her mental health over a stupid gold metal. She solidified her legacy of greatness, at least in my mind. She'll be celebrated by this country, for her bravery, for generations to come". "Yeah. I know that gal", said Johnson. "She's that gymnast who quit on her team so that she could focus on herself. It's hard to blame her. You can't love others until you learn to love yourself and you got to look out for #1 because sure as hell, nobody else is going to do it. On the biggest stage in the world, she put the 'ME' back in team by deciding to take care of herself when nobody else would. Me and my wife are about ready to have a baby, and we're seriously considering naming her Simone in honor of Ms. Biles' bravery". As the face of American Olympics, we understood that more people were likely to know who Simone Biles was than Vincent Hancock, so we tested our logic a bit further by showing a picture of Laurel Hubbard, the transgender weightlifter from New Zealand. "Yeah, that's that former dude who is now a chick, right? From Australia or something like that", said Johnson. "I read all about him on the Internet. Now there's a hero for you. Do you have any idea how difficult it would be to not only transition into a woman but then compete as the first transgender woman in the history of the world? Talk about pressure. I got a lot of respect for that dude. Seriously". As it looks, for world class white male athletes like Vincent Hancock, it seems like a gold medal may be the only validation they'll likely get. None of the people we interviewed even cared enough to ask who he was, after failing to recognize him on their own. With little recognition or fanfare, it may be time for white men to recognize the shift in culture. It seems like the way most Americans now measure success and greatness has significantly changed, and has far more to do with where a person falls on the equity scale then where they fall on the greatness scale. |