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​The WOKEVILLE GAZETTE

Discernment Dies in Hysteria

ZONDERVAN RELEASES A NEW 'PUMPKIN SPICE' BIBLE, TO HELP ENCOURAGE BIBLICAL LITERACY.

9/2/2021

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Zondervan (HarperCollins Christian Publishing) has released a new version of the Bible just in time for fall.

"We are so excited about this new Bible", said Amy Temple a spokesperson for the company. "We have been noticing trends for decades, of biblical illiteracy, and we worked extremely hard to study, survey, and understand what would make people get back into the Word of God. The Pumpkin Spice Bible is the culmination of a lot of work by a lot of people are we are proud of the outcome".

Based on trends over the past decade, it seems like very few things stir the kind of excitement that pumpkin spice does. Using this reality, Zondervan created an elegant and sophisticated "Pumpkin Spice Bible".

Every single book, chapter, and verse is saturated with the goodness and comfort of autumn", said Temple. "The sites, the smells, the warmth it's all in there to help make reading the Bible a unique and exciting experience".

Though this version of the Bible comes at a significant cost, roughly $1,500, it also comes with a limited edition fully automatic espresso, cappuccino and coffee maker with one-touch LatteCrema system and a built-in grinder (and of course a one-month supply of pumpkin spice latte flavoring).

"Though this Bible is a significant investment, we feel that it's impossible to put a price or value on the Word of God", said Temple. "How much would you be willing to pay for an experience that brings the Bible to life? That's what the Pumpkin Spice Bible offers; namely, authentic and intimate time with God, while sharing a hot cup of Pumpkin Spice with the King of kings and Lord of lords".

The Pumpkin Spice Bible is now available at most Christian retail stores and online outlets.
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